Zed'Rath's Journal 1
Violet, my heart still bleeds at the mention of your name, and all of my tattoos seem to throb, almost as if crying for your fallen hands; their tender caress….
As we fought deep under Orgoth’s Tower, the Pale Reaver Lord found its way inside of my head, to the secret place where I hide my love for my deceased wife. Using that weakness, it took control of my body and used it to attack my allies. If that wasn’t enough, it began to poke and prod at the wound, re-opening the sores on my heart, pulling on my heartstrings hoping to further weaken me (Seen here) .
My time with Violet was precious to me, the first ray of happiness that I’d ever known in my life. My time amongst my kin was full of elation, success, and accomplishment, but never true happiness, an emotion the Drow have yet to fully understand. Violet opened my heart and made me face emotions that had been tamped down and ignored my whole life. In the few years that we were together, she helped me to understand joy and ecstasy that I’d never known existed. With her death, I had to face the worst of all emotions and drag myself back from the suicidal brink of depression and guilt. Having known Violet and lost her, I’ve now experienced the highest highs and lowest lows of my life, and in her memory I fight to live, as I had promised.
By tapping into what it thought was my weakness, the monster inadvertently unleashed my pain and rage that I had tamped down, deep inside, afraid of facing it. For too long I have buried my anguish, unable to face and deal with it. Now that it’s been brought to the surface again, I’ve had to take the quiet moments to deal with the pain, to properly grieve for my wife’s passing. With those tears shed, I can now begin to heal, to move beyond the debilitating pain.
I remember a relative once telling me that to live as an elf is to live many lives. Each life is marked by it’s high and low points, and as long-lived beings, we could allow ourselves to be drug down by every compounded loss, by every compounded failure, or we can enjoy the high points and use those to mark the important periods in our lives. I think, by allowing myself to finally grieve and heal, that I’m beginning to understand what it means to be an Elf. Violet was a brilliant star in my life, but I have to accept that there will be other high and low points as well.
Joining Death Gate and getting to know these great adventuring companions is shaping up to be another memorable part of my life. These erstwhile companions and I have already seen and done so much together, and I have the feeling that we’ve still much to accomplish if the fates have anything to say about it. And so, I finally bury the pain in my heart and begin to allow myself to truly live again. The Pale Reaver Lord hoped to handicap me with what it saw in my heart, and I almost let it, but in many ways I’m grateful to that passing spirit for helping me to face what I had long avoided.